Sunday, April 28, 2013

I Love This Boy....

I love this kid.  He is amazing.  I love this picture also, because it sums up who Beckett is, and how he lives his life.  Due to his physical limitations, he literally sees the world differently than the rest of us...but he never lets it stop him from having a smile on his face, and enjoying the world around him.  He is a great example to me of perseverance and hope.  So thankful for this little blessing!

Being a Working Mom is Hard...

I read the other day, on a message board, that the writer felt that working mothers take the "easy way out" and spend 40 hours a week at work to get away from their family.

As a mom, who works...not because I want to, but because I am sacrificing what I can for the betterment of our family's future, and allowing my husband to go through school, and working on my highest level of licensure, so that I may not always have to work full time outside of the home...I want to say to that writer, that being a working mom is not an easy way out.

A day in my life goes something along these lines:

5:30am- Get up, say prayers, read scriptures
6:00am- shower
6:20am- Get Brody up, showered, dressed, fed, prayed, and spiritually fed
7:00am- Get Brody to the bus, make my lunch, make Nick's lunch, put dinner in the crockpot or prep as much as possible so there is not much left to do when I get home at night.
7:30am- leave for my 25 minute "commute"
8:00am-4:30pm- paperwork, provide emotional support to patients and their families, paperwork, offer bereavement support to families in need, paperwork, support nurses and other staff, paperwork, assist with admissions, paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork.
4:30pm- drive home
5:00pm- clean up living room and kitchen, change out of working clothes
5:30pm- cook dinner, serve it, eat it
6:00pm- clean kitchen
6:30pm- clean kids
7:00pm- family time, books, games, TV shows
8:00pm- get kids ready for bed, tucked in, prayers said, scriptures read
8:30pm- husband time, watch a show, say prayers, read scriptures
10:00pm- go to bed

As you can see, there is not much time for "luxuries" that this writer felt working mom's get.  My goal as a working mom is to provide my children with the same quality of affection, care, and attention as they were given when I was staying home part time, but in a condensed amount of time.

Let me tell you...IT.  IS.  HARD.  I am beyond exhausted each day, and sometimes feel like I am just rolling through the motions.  I have to remind myself that life is to be enjoyed...not just endured...because there are definitely days where I feel like I am just enduring. 

I'm really not trying to complain.  I love my job.  I love the work I am doing.  It is not just a job to me, it is a chance to be able to connect with, love, and support my brothers and sisters on this earth.  I just feel the need to defend working mothers everywhere...this is not an easy way out, and is by no means a "vacation" from real life. 

That being said, I would like to also apologize to my readers for my lack of posting.  You may have noticed in my schedule there is no "blog" time or "read a book" time or "sit quietly alone for 10 minutes" time...but I'm working on it.  I'm working on tweaking my schedule...whether it be to get up a little earlier, or stay awake a little bit later at night...I am going to find the time to do some "me" things sooner or later.  Until then, I am going to enjoy life...enjoy my job AND enjoy my family, as much as I can. 

Some Thoughts...

My heart has been heavy the last few weeks, and my mind feels like it is spinning in a hundred different directions.  I'm not sure yet what the purpose of this blog post will be, or what I will say.  My intent to write it is to use the therapeutic technique of free writing, and just write what comes to mind.  So, here I go...

I remember the first national tragedy that occurred in my lifetime.  It was April 19, 1995, and I was 11 years old.  The Federal Building in Oklahoma City had been blown up by a crazy man, who parked a truck full of fertilizer in front of it and blew it up.  I remember the talk on the news of all the children in the daycare.  My heart ached.  My mind raced.  I feared for my safety, and the safety of my family.  Things like this were not supposed to happen in my lifetime.  Babies were not supposed to die like that.  Mom's and Dad's were supposed to return home from work.  I slept in my mom's room for a long time after that, because I was so afraid that a bad guy was going to blow up our neighborhood in Lacey, WA.

Fast forward 4 years.  April 20, 1999.  I was laying at the pool in Florida, drinking a virgin Pina Colada.  I remember seeing the news as I walked through the hotel lobby.  2 students had taken guns into Columbine High School, in Littleton, Colorado. They had killed lots of kids, teachers, and themselves.  I was a high schooler...I empathized, and put myself in that situation.  It scared me.  School no longer seemed like a safe place anymore.  How could someone do this?  How could there be so much hate in the world?

September 11, 2001.  I walked on to the University of Arkansas campus early that morning, to check my email.  I noticed a crowd of students pouring out of RZ's coffee shop, watching TV.  I squeezed into the crowd to see what was going on.  Just as I caught a glimpse of the TV set, the second plane crashed into the World Trade Center.  My view of our country...of our world...was forever changed.  My heart was burdened with a heaviness that would never go away.  The memories of what happened that day are always close to my heart, and the same reason I tear up every time I hear or sing the national anthem, see a flag at half staff, or hear the song God Bless America.

September 11th was obviously the largest tragedy our country has ever least in my lifetime.  Since then, though, we have witnessed the untimely deaths of those in shopping malls, movie theaters, and schools.  We have seen the adversary overcome people and fill them with so much hate that they choose to take the lives of children, parents, grandparents, teachers, police officers...all who are Heavenly Father's Children.

The Boston Marathon Bombing left my heart with the same heaviness that I have felt during all of the other tragedy's I have seen in my lifetime.  I almost feel a sense of resignation that the world is being filled with hate, and with evil, and that Satan is really buckling down, trying to win this war.  I know, however, that he will not win.  Light shines through at every tragedy.  There are helpers everywhere.  There are people willing to sacrifice their lives to save another.  There are people giving blood.  There are people donating money.  There are thousands on their knees offering up prayer, and fasting, in a time of need.  I am reminded that good DOES always prevail, and that Heavenly Father's children are so strong. 

Like I said in the beginning of this post...I don't know where I am going with it.  I just needed to process those thoughts.